You cannot just contain sexual attraction it to black and white. Sometimes it has varying degrees of intensity and clarity and shades of gray. Not “50 Shades of Grey” though! We are not going to discuss “50 Shades of Grey,” even if it is one of your favorite books.
This article will focus on the sexual orientation known as gray asexuality, the many other names for which are graysexuality, greysexuality, grey-ace, gray-a, or gray-ace.
To be grey asexual implies to have little sexual attraction to people on rare occasions. Gray asexuality and its relationship to asexuality are explained in detail below.
What does it mean to be grey asexual?
Well, grey asexuality is a sexual identity that exists on the asexual continuum and describes people who identify with asexuality but believe that the term doesn’t adequately capture all aspects of their experience.
Gray asexuality is a sexual gray area that defies easy categorization, as its name suggests. Some people identify as midway between asexual and sexual, therefore the phrase is left purposefully nebulous to include them. Once in a while, they could feel sexual attraction, but that’s all about it.
The phrase “gray asexual” can refer to a particular identification or to any ace-spec identity other than pure asexuality, such as “demisexual” or “pansexual.”
Graysexuality, like bisexuality and pansexuality, is a more flexible alternative to either asexuality or homosexuality.
In its mission to increase asexual awareness, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) has included greysexuality under the ace umbrella or asexual umbrella.
People who consider themselves to be greysexual do not, in fact, fall into any of the primary categories associated with asexuality.
Hold on, explain asexuality to me:
AVEN, The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, defines an asexual person as one who has no or very little sexual desire.
To be “sexually attracted” to someone means you find them attractive and/or desire to have sexual relations with them. Sexual, sometimes known as allosexuality, is the opposite of asexuality.
It’s often assumed that asexuality is a medical condition, which it is not. Having a low libido, dealing with sex-related trauma, or suffering discomfort during sex is not the same as being asexual. Being asexual isn’t the same as taking a vow of celibacy.
The three major categories of asexuality include:
- Sex-repulsed: The term “sex repulsed” refers to a person who is either strongly averse to or uninterested in sexual activity.
- Sex-neutral: A sex-neutral person is not attracted to or disgusted by sexual encounters. When in a committed relationship, some individuals may still engage in sexual activity.
- Sex-positive: A person who classifies himself as asexual, which means they do not have feelings of sex desire to other people, but who will nevertheless engage in sexual activity for enjoyment is said to be sex-positive.
What distinguishes gray asexuality from asexuality, then?
Despite the similarities and the common grouping of these sexual orientations, the following is the key distinction:
Asexuality: No sexual desire or aversion is present.
Graysexuality: Refers to a lack of or mild intensity in sexual desire.
Low libido vs asexual and grey asexual:
Are those who identify as asexual or graysexual just experiencing decreased libido?
Actually, that’s not always the case. In other words, having a low sex urge is not the same thing as being asexual or graysexual.
A person’s libido (also known as sex drive) is different from their sexual attraction to others. In the context of sexuality, sexual attraction refers to an intense desire to climax with a particular individual. Brain and hormones work together to create libido, the desire for sexual pleasure.
Lack of libido may affect everyone. People who identify as asexual or graysexual might nevertheless have a healthy libido even if they lack the desire for a sexual partner.
Gray Asexuality vs Demisexuality:
Demisexuals only feel sexually attracted to someone after developing a strong emotional connection with them. This is distinct from occasionally experiencing sexual desire.
People frequently feel primary and secondary degrees of attraction. Physical characteristics, including appearance or fragrance, are what first draw people to someone. The development of secondary attraction over time involves an emotional commitment to another individual. Those who identify as demisexual are only attracted to others on a secondary level.
Graysexuals don’t always feel sexual desire toward other people, and there are periods when they don’t feel it at all. Their degree of sexual desire might range anywhere from “not typically, but occasionally” to “enjoys sex only under extremely particular situations.” [Not normally, but sometimes]
Moreover, it is very uncommon for a single individual to shift between these two positions on the sexuality spectrum, as well as others, during the course of their lifetime.
Gray asexuality: Common Misconceptions…
Graysexuality shares many of the same myths and misunderstandings that asexuality does. Some may view asexual and graysexual persons as being in a temporary lull or as “simply not finding the perfect person.”
It’s a common misconception that asexual or graysexual persons can’t find pleasure in sexual activity. They are able to, and will occasionally go out of their way to do so. People who identify as asexual or graysexual may enjoy sexual activity even though they may not feel sexual attraction to others.
Sings of grey asexual people:
If you’re unsure of where you stand on the sexuality spectrum, or if you’ve been having a hard time figuring out what your sexual orientation is, the following qualities may help you identify as a person who falls into the grey area.
1. You don’t prioritize sexual attraction for a relationship:
You don’t avoid romantic relationships on purpose, but you’ve always preferred platonic friendships. In a relationship, passion and sexual desire are not your top priorities. Developing a platonic love connection with someone is easier and more natural, and sexual attraction can develop between two consenting adults. You are OK with your relationships not involving sexual activity. You don’t base your decision to enter a relationship on whether or not the two partners are sexually compatible.
2. Sex is not that important to you:
If you and your partner never have sexual contact again, it wouldn’t disturb you as much as it would someone else. The disturbance will be too little compared to that of when you lose intellectual, emotional, and spiritual requirements.
To be sure, the physical body is important, but the mind and soul are more so. You would always pick a life where all your emotional and intellectual desires were met over a life where all your sexual desires were met.
3. Not really asexual but the sexual drive is too low:
Gray asexual people feel sexually attractive occasionally, but the terms “straight,” “gay,” nor “bisexual” doesn’t apply to them. They also can’t label themselves as asexual.
It’s not that you don’t feel sexual attraction to people of the opposite or same gender; it’s simply that these feelings are not strong enough. So, you have to question your sexual orientation. You’re not sure where you stand on the vast spectrum of human sexuality, and that’s causing you some anxiety.
4. Making out is far more enjoyable than making love:
You enjoy dating, romance, holding hands, kissing, and caring for another person’s body, but you’re not the kind to take off your clothes and have sex just because. Intimacy between lovers is not limited to sexual contact; rather, it can take many forms.
5. It’s very normal to not fit neatly into any category of sexuality:
If you believe that your complicated sexuality defies categorization as either demisexual or gray asexual, or if you simply don’t fit any of these categories, it’s alright; you don’t have to label yourself. I think you’ll find it’s quite reasonable. It is totally up to you how you want to identify yourself sexually. No one else can do that and it’s not required. Certain people may feel liberated by a clear and concise definition of their sexual orientation, while others may feel confined and tied down by such a term.
How to talk to your family and friends about Gray Asexuality:
There is no pressure to reveal one’s sexual orientation to others if one does not feel ready to do so. Coming out may be challenging, and explaining something just as fluid and complex as gray asexuality to another person can be even more so.
There is a wealth of information and communities available online where you may seek help if you so choose. Another strategy that may help you feel less isolated is reaching out to individuals who are working through or have gone through the process of coming out themselves.
